The Ramblings of Henrich Cornelius Agrippa
by SvendalMunch
Summary: Simply Put? This is 10 chapters of Agrippa rambling on and on and on. Why? Because it's hilarious! If your in the mood for something amusing, you'll enjoy! AgrippaXAgrippaXAgrippa. Kidding, but really, no other character is in the story! R&R!
1. Prolouge: Hello Daniel!

_Oh, well hello there! I didn't see you there! Would you mind shutting off that machine over there? Ah! Thank you! Thats much better!_

_So what's your name? Daniel you say? A fitting name for such a strapping young man! You seam a little unsettled! Are you alright? Goodness knows I wouldn't be! I take it you knew Alexander? Awful man isn't he? He's the reason I'm all tied up hear in this husk of a body!_

_Come! Sit! Stay for a spell! I haven't had anyone but that insufferable torture fanatic for company in quite a few years! let me tell you about my apprentice, Johann Weier! What a fine boy he was..._

Alright, I realize this is EXTREMLY short, but this is just the prolouge. I'll be writing a 10 chapter (not including this one) story that is just plain Agrippa talking. Why? BECAUSE AGRIPPA WAS THE GREATEST. It's mostly just because I made a joke about doing it, and my friend (Banhishika) dared me so I figured...why the hell not?


	2. Part I: Johann Weier, A Fine Man Indeed!

_Where were we? Ah yes! Johann! What a fine boy! He made it through you know! Through what, you ask? Well to the other side, my dear boy! Where else?_

_Oh, you don't know? Well, Alexander was a scoundral, wasn't he? Well let me tell you! I know you must know a bit about the orbs? Ah, good, you do! You found one yourself you say? Good show old chap! Oh...dear me, you let Alexander have it didn't you? Oh well, you can't have known!_

_I found one of them myself, you know! But, alas, Alexander stole it and tried to use it in a machine. It shattered to bits! They're still scattered around here somewhere. That's why he did this to me, you know. Kept me here and tortured me. _

_But ah, young Weier! He had such a kind heart! He surpassed me and figured out how to get through the portal! He told Alexander he'd give him the secret if he let me free! He was going to take all of us! But that bastard wouldn't let me go! No sir! Said he didn't trust Weier...Can you imagine?_

_Young Weier did leave behind a recipie for a tonic to cure me, however, Bless him! What's that? You found it? Dear boy! Could i trouble you to mix it for me? Well, after you find the orb pieces of course. Whats that? Well of course you have to find those dear boy! How else are you going to go to the inner sanctum?_

_Alright, well I'll wait for you to return! When you come back, why don't I tell you about my time in Russia where I wrestled a very large bear?_

Bwahaha! Ok, I'm officially insane. What can I say? Writing about Agrippa bugging Daniel is more then fun! Good lord I need a better hobby! Anyway, stay tuned for Agrippa's adventures in wrestling a bear! haha!


	3. Part II: Agrippa and the Bear

_Why hello again Daniel! I see you've found a few orb pieces! Well done my boy! What's that? You got the posion gland as well? You truly are wonderful! I couldn't have asked for a greater man! Truley wonderful!_

_Whats that? Oh yes! I promised to tell you about the time Johann and I tangled with that bear! What a day that was! Johann and I were following a lead on the location of one of the orbs. We were just walking and chatting and minding our own business when out of bloody no where, a bear came out of the trees! I'm sure you aren't nearly as schocked as I was! We really hadn't been that loud, honestly._

_Any how, Weier, well, Weier isn't much for surprises, you see. Fainted on the spot! Bless him! So here I am alone with this bear in the middle of no where and I'm a man down. Hwo did I escape you ask? Well, It wasn't easy I will say!_

_The thing was actually rather stupid. I was young enough that wrestleing it wasn't the trouble, it was getting poor young Weier away! Well I managed it! To this day I still believe I was very lucky!_

_Whats that? Leaving so soon? Well, I suppose you do need to continue with those orbs! Maybe you might stumble upon an ingerdient as well? I'd be most grateful! Come back soon! _

How am I still writing this with a straight face? Part 2 of the 10 part Agrippa-poloza! God dang it I am just having to much fun with this!


	4. Part III: Skeletons! Who Does That?

_Daniel my good lad! I see you've returned once more! Come! Sit for a spell! Old Alexander won't being going anywhere quite yet!_

_Whats that? Another orb piece? Good show my boy! But alas, no ingerdients? Oh...well...I suppose thats quite alright! Your doing your best, I suppose! Reminding me more and more of young Weier, you are! A hardworker if ever there was one!_

_Have I ever told you about the time we were in the tombs? Oh heavens, what a story it is! Weier and I had another lead on an orb in an old tomb of a great king or some other. So we go down in and start digging around. Well, I found out poor Weier is terrified of skeletons that day! Poor fellow! Sadly, it was one of the first things we dug up. He was in fits of hysterics. _

_But a hardworker he is! He pushed through and managed to dig up the whole body! We found an orb in its chest! Unfortunatly, it wasn't our orb...some old cursed stone or what have you. I don't think Weier has ever been more upset in his..._

_Whats that? Leaving so soon? I understand dear boy, even if it is rather lonely. Hurry along and back!_

_Sorry for the late update guys! Been busy with my irl job!I need your help though! If you guys could write in the reviews something you'd like Agrippa to rant on about, please do so! Thank you!_


	5. Part IV: Alexander Causes Anorexia

_Daniel, my good lad! Welcome back! had a wonderful trip, I trust? I'm sorry, what?...Oh! You've retrived the remains! Splendid show old chap! Simply marvelous! You're well on your way!_

_Wait, don't be off so soon! There's a good boy! Let me tell you about old man Alexander! What a nasty old bloke. You know that he actually isn't the slightest bit of human? Shocking, isn't it? The old badger never shut up about it. Doing all those ghastly experiments...well...I don't need to tell you do I? You're looking at one!_

_Why, I remember once when I was a little more fleshy...He tried to get me to lend him some of my body fat for an experiment! Said I didn't need all that cushion! I said to him, I said 'I'll have you know, this is what keeps me in tip top shape in the winter!' He just laughed at me! After that day I lost quite a bit of weight. Fellow really hit a nerve, he did!_

_Young Weier never much liked him either. Fought with him a lot he did. Ah, young Weier...like a son he was...I do hope I see him agai-Daniel! It's rude to walk off in mid-conversation!_

_Well, I do suppose I've kept you for some time now. Do come back soon...I get very lonely you know..._

_Sorry for the wait! I'm so happy with all the good responses I'm getting from this! You guys are all awesome for reading such a silly little story! Keep the suggestions coming and I'll try to post another chapter soon!_


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